Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
