i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize