I don't think brook has ever known best
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
