you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
