I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
