Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
