she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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