maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
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This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
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I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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