omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
