5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
