dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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