So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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