Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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