I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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