why didn't you poke me back
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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