Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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