Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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