When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
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It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
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its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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