And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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