Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
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He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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