So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
