when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
