Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
