I think I am morally bankrupt
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
