also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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