I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
