I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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