i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Randomize
