I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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