It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
