Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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