I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
