It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
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