He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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