Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
