sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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