Ambien. No doubt about it.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
