so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
