"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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