youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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