I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
