its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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