I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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