I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
