so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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