new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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