I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
