True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
