Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I touched a dick in church today
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
