When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
