your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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