Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
