This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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