She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
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Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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