i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
God I need to hump something, right now.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
