shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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