i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize