I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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