yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
