A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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