I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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