JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
